How did you do it? — EM FIELDS

I have been getting a lot of love from y’all lately and it is so humbling. I can’t express what it means to me to be told that I am making an impact on peoples lives when it comes to self love and over coming mental illness. I read every one of your emails, comments and DM’s and it fills my heart with all the good kind of fuzzy stuff. Thank you, everyone.

The most common question I get (aside from what I do for a living that gives me the opportunity to travel so much- don’t worry, i’ll get to it!) is ‘How did you do it? How did you get better, learn to love yourself and be so confident?’

I guess I’ve touched on it lightly in previous posts but not in full detail. I’m not here to prescribe treatment or say that there is a right way and a wrong way. But, I am hoping that by sharing my way, maybe all of y’all will feel empowered to share your way with others too. Team work, people!

1. I went to my GP.

This guy has looked after my family since before I was born. He’s treated my mum with similar mental health issues, given me all my immunisation shots as a kid, and even the awkward stuff. He knows my family. I went there with my Mum and spoke to him about everything I was struggling with. Feelings of low self worth, suicidal thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, panic attacks. He spoke to me for a while and printed off a fact sheet about mental illness, which gave me a better understanding. He gave me a referral to a counsellor.

2. I stuck with a counsellor for a few months.

I spoke about a lot of long term issues I’d had, about my childhood, school, relationships. Everything I had difficulty processing my feelings for as I was growing up. It was really awkward for me. I felt uncomfortable being so open with someone I didn’t know. I found that just ‘talking’ about things only helped me get things out, which was good enough for a while. I needed to learn how to actually control my thoughts, and stop letting them get the better of me.

3. Referral to a psychologist & medication

I went back to my doctor and said that basically the counsellor wasn’t doing the trick. I was still struggling quite a lot. He prescribed a low dose of antidepressant (which was eventually increased) and referred me to a psychologist who taught me ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’, which is basically thought process training. It helps you to redirect your negative thought patterns into a more positive space, helping you to control the demons instead of letting them control you. I started feeling a bit better and joined a gym.

4. Exercise

This is one all of you know about. I joined to be a part of a community, and also for the natural endorphins. I became obsessed by it. I became so focussed in my training sessions and felt invincible after them. I started seeing changes in my body, which I was so insanely proud of (check my previous post). My body was the first physical representation of my struggles and the shit that I had overcome. I eventually weaned off the meds a little while after.

Just so you guys know- as happy and grateful as I am with my life now, I still have bad days. As my job has become a lot more stressful, I started struggling with anxiety. The self worth stuff was gone, but constant stress triggered a few panic attacks that were increasingly difficult to manage. I’ve been on medication that stabilises the peaks and troughs in my moods for a while now and it has made a remarkable difference. A lot of people I speak to about their long term struggles have their concerns with medication, as if it verifies some kind of ‘crazy’ complex within them. I say to them; ‘If you were a diabetic, would you deny yourself insulin? If you had a heart condition would you deny yourself aspirin?’ Mental illness is nothing more than a chemical imbalance in the brain, the same as diabetes is an insulin resistance/ dependence, and a heart condition is nothing more than a tired or overactive heart. Mental illness is not a made up ghost story, it’s a fact of life. Deal with it.

I’m not saying that medication is always the answer, or that everyone can solve their anxiety in the squat rack, but I want to get across that whatever way you choose to deal with your issues, so long as they are not destructive to you or your loved ones, is OK. Find what is right for you. The first thing you need to do though, is talk about it. There’s only a stigma with mental illness if we don’t talk about it and start to help each other.

‘Need is not weakness, need is need’.